Isn't it how crazy events happen so fast? How instantly your life can be turned around? Holy shit. I wish I would have fallen asleep and I would have just woken up to the morning. I am disgusted with myself and completely loath myself.
:(
Showing posts with label fuck life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fuck life. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Monday, March 21, 2011
Too much is too much
My senior year has been extremely stressful. I just got rejected by a second school so that leaves me with three left to go.
CSULB - Accepted
CSUF - Accepted
UCLA - Denied
UCSB - Denied
BU - Still pending
USC - Still pending
UCB - Still pending
Quite honestly, it didn't hurt when I got rejected by UCLA mainly because they don't have journalism as a major and because my heart isn't there. UCSB did hurt a bit... not because I want to go there but because if UCSB doesn't accept me than there's no way I'm getting to my dream school of USC. That's what terrifies me, rejection of USC. It really kills my heart beacuse I can see myself there and my heart is there. :'(
Senior year is supposed to be a fantastic year and so far it's been one of my most stressful, most frustrating, and most chaotic. I seriously just want to crawl under a rock and never come out--or rather move to a different city far from where I am now. Hell, I just want to leave my house. I'm so over high school and I'm excited to start my new chapter in life. If anything I think I'm content with going to CSULB but only if I'm able to dorm. If I can't then I seriously don't even care about college anymore. I love my family and my mother but I want to become INDEPENDENT.
It's not only college letters that are pushing me over the edge it's just that it's so fucking crazy for me right now. People have such high standards for me and it pushes me over the edge because they don't understand how difficult it is for me to try and meet them. Fuck, man. Fuck this, I'm done.
CSUF - Accepted
UCLA - Denied
UCSB - Denied
BU - Still pending
USC - Still pending
UCB - Still pending
Quite honestly, it didn't hurt when I got rejected by UCLA mainly because they don't have journalism as a major and because my heart isn't there. UCSB did hurt a bit... not because I want to go there but because if UCSB doesn't accept me than there's no way I'm getting to my dream school of USC. That's what terrifies me, rejection of USC. It really kills my heart beacuse I can see myself there and my heart is there. :'(
Senior year is supposed to be a fantastic year and so far it's been one of my most stressful, most frustrating, and most chaotic. I seriously just want to crawl under a rock and never come out--or rather move to a different city far from where I am now. Hell, I just want to leave my house. I'm so over high school and I'm excited to start my new chapter in life. If anything I think I'm content with going to CSULB but only if I'm able to dorm. If I can't then I seriously don't even care about college anymore. I love my family and my mother but I want to become INDEPENDENT.
It's not only college letters that are pushing me over the edge it's just that it's so fucking crazy for me right now. People have such high standards for me and it pushes me over the edge because they don't understand how difficult it is for me to try and meet them. Fuck, man. Fuck this, I'm done.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
I feel like dookie. I'm hating life right now. I hate everything. Sometimes I just want to QUIT everything. Sometimes I wish I just didn't care about school so much, getting good grades, or even being involved. I'm pretty sure majority of the UC's I applied to aren't going to accept me so what's the point of getting so worked up about it? I hate this shit. I think today I've reached the breaking point. I took my damn exam in math and I worked my ass of studying, stressing myself over it when I could've been studying for other classes. And just my luck, I still get a fucking F! I'm pissed. This is such bullshit. I'm seriously on my breaking point.
Sometimes I just want to quit EVERYTHING. I wonder why I worry so much about things because really, does it really matter in the long run?
Then I come to an upset mother because of a change of plans that I didn't have control over. I feel like I'm always ruining my Mom's plans and I feel terrible about it. I feel like it's my fault for causing such a burden on her and I'm not letting her enjoy her life. I hate that I'm terrified of driving. I have my permit already, but just seeing cars on the road freaks me out. Fuck. Sometimes I just feel like taking off and just being on my own. I despise having to rely on other people to take me places. I just want to get up and go sometimes without anyone hassling me about it or any bullshit.
I just fuckin' hate life right now. Fuck all this shit!
Sometimes I just want to quit EVERYTHING. I wonder why I worry so much about things because really, does it really matter in the long run?
Then I come to an upset mother because of a change of plans that I didn't have control over. I feel like I'm always ruining my Mom's plans and I feel terrible about it. I feel like it's my fault for causing such a burden on her and I'm not letting her enjoy her life. I hate that I'm terrified of driving. I have my permit already, but just seeing cars on the road freaks me out. Fuck. Sometimes I just feel like taking off and just being on my own. I despise having to rely on other people to take me places. I just want to get up and go sometimes without anyone hassling me about it or any bullshit.
I just fuckin' hate life right now. Fuck all this shit!
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