Too much is too much

My senior year has been extremely stressful. I just got rejected by a second school so that leaves me with three left to go.
CSULB - Accepted
CSUF - Accepted
UCLA - Denied
UCSB - Denied
BU - Still pending
USC - Still pending
UCB - Still pending

Quite honestly, it didn't hurt when I got rejected by UCLA mainly because they don't have journalism as a major and because my heart isn't there. UCSB did hurt a bit... not because I want to go there but because if UCSB doesn't accept me than there's no way I'm getting to my dream school of USC. That's what terrifies me, rejection of USC. It really kills my heart beacuse I can see myself there and my heart is there. :'(

Senior year is supposed to be a fantastic year and so far it's been one of my most stressful, most frustrating, and most chaotic. I seriously just want to crawl under a rock and never come out--or rather move to a different city far from where I am now. Hell, I just want to leave my house. I'm so over high school and I'm excited to start my new chapter in life. If anything I think I'm content with going to CSULB but only if I'm able to dorm. If I can't then I seriously don't even care about college anymore. I love my family and my mother but I want to become INDEPENDENT.

It's not only college letters that are pushing me over the edge it's just that it's so fucking crazy for me right now. People have such high standards for me and it pushes me over the edge because they don't understand how difficult it is for me to try and meet them. Fuck, man. Fuck this, I'm done.

Sonamburo

I had the wildest dream while taking a nap. I woke up and was a bit appalled at what I remembered. It's a bit difficult to explain but throughout the dream I remember being super content at what was going on. As I woke up, half of me wished what I dreamt was real and not only a fantasy. Wow, I just realized how dirty the previous sentence sounds. Haha, it's totally not like that. Let me clarify: I dreamt that I became friends with my tutor and we had exchanged IM addresses and we began video chatting. Throughout our chat, we said that we would always keep it on in case we needed something from one another. If I can recall correctly we talked about Toy Story, mathematics, college life, and life in general. Yep. Pretty erotic, right? Haha.

Sometimes I think what will become of my tutor and I. Are we considered friends? Or are we just associated with one another because he's my tutor. I suppose time will tell.

I would like to find my other half, or at least I'd like to date someone. I've come across men whose company I enjoy, but unfortunately they are far older than me. I've noticed that a lot of the guys I'm into are older than me and I don't fancy many who are the same age as me. I've also noticed that a lot of them are in bands or are incredibly smart. Blah.
I just really wish I'd find the guy for me one day. I know I've got a long way ahead of me but I'd really appreciate it someone by my side.

I think I just need to drive and get away. I'd like my independence now. Or I need to find myself a new hobby. Shite.

I feel like dookie. I'm hating life right now. I hate everything. Sometimes I just want to QUIT everything. Sometimes I wish I just didn't care about school so much, getting good grades, or even being involved. I'm pretty sure majority of the UC's I applied to aren't going to accept me so what's the point of getting so worked up about it? I hate this shit. I think today I've reached the breaking point. I took my damn exam in math and I worked my ass of studying, stressing myself over it when I could've been studying for other classes. And just my luck, I still get a fucking F! I'm pissed. This is such bullshit. I'm seriously on my breaking point.

Sometimes I just want to quit EVERYTHING. I wonder why I worry so much about things because really, does it really matter in the long run?

Then I come to an upset mother because of a change of plans that I didn't have control over. I feel like I'm always ruining my Mom's plans and I feel terrible about it. I feel like it's my fault for causing such a burden on her and I'm not letting her enjoy her life. I hate that I'm terrified of driving. I have my permit already, but just seeing cars on the road freaks me out. Fuck. Sometimes I just feel like taking off and just being on my own. I despise having to rely on other people to take me places. I just want to get up and go sometimes without anyone hassling me about it or any bullshit.

I just fuckin' hate life right now. Fuck all this shit!

Open Up Your Eyes

Isn't it amazing how listening to specific music/artists can totally brighten up your day? I've been listening to Suburban Legends since I last saw them last year. Their music is so upbeat and diverse--I love it! I'm really bummed that I didn't find out about them earlier because I just LOVE their presence onstage and I can't wait until I get the chance to see them again. I'm bummed I didn't get their EP at the Ska Luau but I didn't want to leave the barricade 'cause after all I had been there for Starpool. I didn't expect any band to leave me in awe but apparently all of the bands that night did!
If you've got the chance to see Suburban Legends, do it. They've got some great tunes, awesome stage presence, and some awesome dance moves.



Just needed to get this outta my system. I've got a killer poetry final tomorrow for my English class and I gotta get back to studying.

Golden

My two friends have been having issues since their wedding. I have no idea what is actually going on with their life but from what the picture I just saw on Facebook I'm hurt and disappointed with my friend. I know it isn't my right to judge from what I saw since I don't have the whole story but it still hurts me to know that something might be going on with another women that isn't his wife.

He's told me that he's been having issues with his wife and his wife has told me the same. The thing that worries me is that his wife has been pregnant and is due soon in a month and he's still not making mends. I'm worried for their future and their baby girl. I now it shouldn't be my concern but my friend is like my brother and I got close to his wife as well. It hurts me as a friend knowing that he's "cheating" on his wife and it hurts me objectively as a female.

He's told me that he'd eventually fill me in but I just don't know how I feel anymore. I'm a mixture of emotions: hurt, disappointed, and annoyed. I wonder where it went wrong . . .

Concert List

2005
'AMERICAN IDIOT Tour' @ Home Depot Center in Carson 9/9/05
Green Day
Jimmy Eat World
Flogging Molly

2006
'WARPED TOUR '06' @ L.A Dodger Stadium Parking Lot 7/12/06
UnderOATH
Helmet
The Living End
The Casualties
The Academy Is
Senses Fail
Rise Against

2007
'TASTE OF CHAOS' @ Long Beach Arena 2/22/07
Evaline
Aiden
Senses Fail
The Used
30 Sec. To Mars
SAOSIN
Chiodos

'INWARD SCREAM Tour' @ The Avalon, Hollywood 2/24/07
Bleed the Dream
Fair To Midland
Dir en grey

'DIR EN GREY SUMMER TOUR' @ the Gibson Amphitheater 6/18/07
Fall of Troy
Dir en grey

'Aiden Headlining Tour' @ El Rey Theater 10/9/07
1969
Drop Dead Gorgeous
Art of Chaos
Aiden

'PMX Convention' @ LAX, Los Angeles 11/10/07
Met Tomo of Echoscream
Thee Out Mods
LiN CLOVER

2008
JUDO CHOP Vol. 10 @ 2nd St. Jazz Bar 1/11/08
Motion Drive
The Power Cords
Quan Chinese Takeouts
Cloud Highland
Thee Out Mods

JUDO CHOP Vol. 11 @ 2nd. St. Jazz Bar 2/1/08
2nd Hand Justice
The Deepsea Goes
Running on Fumes
The Stitched Lips
Thee Out Mods

JUDO CHOP Vol. 13 @ 2nd. St. Jazz Bar 4/12/08
Lemon Drop Kick
Thee Out Mods

JUDO CHOP Vol. 16 @ 2nd St. Jazz Bar 6/6/08
DFT
Tadahisa Yoshida
Random Ninjas
Thee Out Mods
Kureha
Dig Jelly

Super Estrella's REVENTON! @ The Home Deopt Carson Center 8/9/08
Alejandro Fernandez
Juanes
Don Omar
Julieta Venegas
Beto Cuevas
(Among others which I can't remember at the moment.)


Tokio Hotel's U.S Tour @ The Anaheim House of Blues 8/20/08
Tokio Hotel

2009
Detour Tour @ House of Blues
On Parade
A Ska Band
A Long Beach local

'21st Breakdown Tour' @ Inglewood at The Forum 8/25/09
Franz Ferdinand
Green Day

'Carson Daly's New Years Eve' taping @ The Nokia Plaza 11/23/09
Green Day

2010
One Day As A Lion's US Debut Shows @ The Community Culture Center 7/18/10
Holloys
One Day As A Lion

Superestrella's Reventon @ The Staples Center 7/24/10
Belinda
Reik
Beto Cuevas
Maria Jose
Nelly Furtado
Ramon Ayala
Daddy Yankee
Enrique Iglesias
Ivy Queen
Alejandra Guzman
Chino & Nacho

'21st Century Breakdown Tour' @ The Verizon Wireless Amphitheater 08/31/2010
A.F.I.
Green Day

San Manuel Indian Bingo & Casino present: The English Beat @ House of Blues 10/29/2010
Starpool
The English Beat

The First Annual Ska Luau @ The House of Blues 12/30/10
Stupid Flanders
La Banda Skalavera
Chase Long Beach
Suburban Legends
Starpool

2011
Japan Daisuke Relief Concert @ Chain Reaction 4/04/11
Kid Finnish
Phlying Saucer
Melee
Suburban Legends

Suburban Legends @ Tomorrowland Terrance in Disneyland 5/12/11
Suburban Legends

Starpool @ The House of Blues 6/9/11
We Are the Arsenal
Save the Swim Team
HB Surround Sound
Suburban Legends
Starpool

Incubus @ Jimmy Kimmel Live in Hollywood 08/10/11
Incubus